Depression
“Your mood is your own personal weather; if you go outside and it’s raining, it is not you that has made it rain, it has rained and it is real, you can’t un-think the rain, you can’t say ‘I’ll walk it off and then it will be sunny’. The weather makes up its own mind.”
– Stephen Fry, in his documentary The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive
Life has changed – for the worse.
Sadness and sleep, that’s what your life is. You drag yourself up to hit the necessaries, pushing yourself through work, sometimes grocery shopping, and the shower is becoming more and more optional.
This feeling is more than a mental thing; you feel achy and tense, like a low-grade illness coming on. Overwhelmed at the thought of doing something you used to love, you pull back more and more cause you don’t have the energy.
Maybe tomorrow or next week, after a nap, after this project at work, sometime later, but that you used to love these things seems so distant. You feel like somebody else used to move through your life.
Where did that person go? Can you get her back? It doesn’t seem likely right now. How could you even start? Maybe later, you will feel more able to tackle this, get some energy, and make a plan.
Here’s how depression works.
Your “tomorrows” project an indefinite future.
“Someday,” it’ll be better; once you have a nap, take some vitamins, spontaneously get better; once something makes this fog lift.
Meanwhile, you hate this life, and who wouldn’t? Nothing about this is good, it sucks, and it’s not at all what you thought you’d have to accept.
It’s a beautiful world with a lot to offer – and you have goals and plans. But what you don’t have is the energy to reach out and take them.
Life feels like an old black and white mystery movie, a dark landscape wreathed in fog, with no clear path ahead. Maybe Sherlock Holmes is out there, but he doesn’t seem to be showing up to help you out today.
So, where does that leave you?
Focus through the fog, push through the black and white world, and get back into the technicolor world.
You are here looking for help; you’ve started on the right path because you are here and reading this.
The next step you need is one phone call and one consultation away because you need someone to walk this path with you, a path that I know well.
Call me today at (908) 227-6550.